Do I deserve this?
Currently reading Amanda Palmer's book...
"The Art of Asking.. or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help"
..it makes me want to be a street performer!!
..and to jump into the world and be vulnerable!
If you have never seen a music video of hers.. you are missing out.
She is a true entertainer.
Why is it so hard for people to ask for things?
~
Asking for help means that you are weak. That you are unproductive. That you are not good enough to manage your issues on your own.
... once upon a time, I thought these statements to be true.
Once upon a time I was stubborn. I was narrow minded.
Although I never thought I had the world figured out, I did think that my way was the best way.
I moved out when I was 18 making a whopping $7.00/hour.
Trying to pay rent + pay for school out of pocket + groceries..
.. I was miserable. I was hungry.
Every penny I made went to school so I wouldn't have to take out loans.. and to rent.. and if I had any money left over.. it went to groceries..
Society made me think I needed my own space to feel accomplished.. If I lived at home, I was unsuccessful.. or not an adult.
..if I needed someone's help, I would rather be hungry than a burden.
~
..my thought process has tremendously altered since that near decade ago..
..but this book is about these situations.
..why humans feels so scared to ask for help. to be vulnerable.
Everyone has a different set of circumstances, and while i once viewed myself as a victim of circumstance and lived life fairly negatively.. or, really, severely negatively.. i feel as though i have overcome A LOT of mental anguish by merely altering my perception of the world and what success really meant to me.
If you are someone who struggles with asking for things..
... spare change for a parking meter ...
... a promotion...
... a hug ...
... love ...
..i think this book can bring you a lot of joy..
..especially if you have love for street performers, strippers, lawyers, nurses, Amanda Palmer, yourself.. or anyone who has ever struggled to ask for something.
<3
I think this is primarily a developed nation problem and mostly exists above the poverty line. Asking for things is akin to asking for a loan--but social capital instead of liquid capital (although the two can over lap.) Having a "village" or a large amount of social capital (altruism, helpfulness, sharing) has been traded for money, technology, success and independence.
ReplyDeleteIn our current cultural climate, it is desirable to have enough money to pay for the things you would typically ask for. Transportation, child care, a hand when you are ill or just had a baby, support through a tough time--these are all things that most of us can't expect anymore without making a payment.
And because we are trading money for things that would be socially traded--a favor for a favor or just helping out your community--asking someone to just help you makes you feel beholden to them, as if you now owe because you have dipped in and taken social currency without having any of your own.
I'll be interested to check out this book and see what she says about it, but my feeling is that the primary way to break this cycle of being so closed off and scared to ask for help is to offer assistance altruistically to others, building up your own social capital and beginning to truly understand that it feels damn good to help other people, so you can become less reticent about asking for it when you need a hand.
i agree.
Deleteour society has, and is, evolving into a very technologically connected, but closed off personally. We do our shopping by mail. we send FB messages instead of post cards. we text instead of call. this is the stuff my dreams are made of..